Orgasm is blissful and divine. It’d be simply sinful to fake one. But you already have your part of the argument, “What do we do if we just don’t reach there? Do you know 65% of sexually-active women around the world do not get wet?” To put your anxiety to rest, let us start by saying, we know that, girls. But that doesn’t hold good for “faking”. Because the practice comes with its fair share of troubles that are not worth fighting. You’ll agree with us, once you get to know them.
This is going to be long, so we will publish this in parts. Here is the first one.
Why the faking
Let’s take a short walk to find out why you really fake. This path has been walked too many time so we promise we’ll keep it short:
What goes in the mind
Irrespective of geographical and cultural differences, we girls grow up more or less the same way. We follow some standard norms and conventions. We learn to be shy, docile and derive satisfaction by receiving pleasure. This stands in direct contrast to the boys, who grow up to be bold, headstrong and to derive satisfaction by giving. Note the last point of difference. You grow as the one who is meant to feed the ego of the guys so that they feel good (we aren’t boy bashing here, we’re simply stating the psychological build). You suppress your opinions and focus more on his demands. You easily get ready to learn from him and make him feel he’s an expert when he may be a learner just like you. In all this giving, you tend to forget the true meaning of “receiving”, remember the last point of difference. So, when the time for “receiving” comes, by the natural course you take the path of “giving”. Instead of “receiving pleasure” you find out a way of “giving him” the pleasure. You feed his ego by falsely showing him “you are receiving”. The end result, you get in the rut of faking orgasms and drive yourself away from the pleasure of your relationship that you so rightly deserve.
What goes in the body
This part is pretty straightforward. You turn numb and get into genital armoring. Your most sensitive areas block the sensation of touches. Your muscles contract, become stiff, and you get into an act of pain, instead of an act of pleasure. Bad, isn’t it? Wait, that’s the beginning. The aftermath is worse.
War and Peace
War: Emotionally distressing
When faking gets into a long-term relationship, it’s time to check whether you’re getting an emotional distress signal. Your partner may be doing things that have always been fun to you. But all of a sudden you don’t find them appealing anymore. Why? Maybe for something he might have said or done that you might have found difficult to accept and you’ve shut yourself completely. That’s okay, but what’s worse is that if you don’t let him know that you’re disturbed and that too for none other but him.
This puts you into a mental jeopardy. Like household chores, you’ll get in the act of love-making mechanically but as there won’t be any feeling you’ll create a distance from him. It’s a double-whammy for you. At an individual level, you’ll find it highly distressing to actually be intimate in the bed, and your relationship will become strained, making it difficult for you to stay with him.
Peace: Open talk
First thing first. Stop everything and have a word. A straight heart to heart talk. Don’t forget, he loves you and that means he is open to feedback. Also, don’t forget, he’s a guy so he needs specific input. You need not playback all the errors he made from his childhood, you need to tell what he has done or said that got you to a dry land. Expect him to reason out, listen to them carefully and try to understand if his side of the story has any valid points. If you find any, you may need to fine-tune yourself a bit. If there aren’t any, then open yourself up and tell him that although you understand his version he may need to go a little softer in his comments or acts.
War: Falsely impressing
Frankly, ladies, you need not fake an orgasm to impress him. You need to be you because that’s what brought him to you. If you continue to fake you are not letting yourself to be you, you are depriving him of knowing the real you. Let him know who you are and what you need, particularly on the bed. If he fails to respect that, then you need to think twice, maybe more, about how long you should continue to be with him. The reason is pretty simple. If a person doesn’t accept your true self today, the person will never accept your true self tomorrow. And what’ll you do then, girl, think about it? Today you may be saving the night by faking but will you be ready to do that a few years down the line. If you think you will be able to, then know this, your false impression technique will become a load on you in the long run. Breaking out free in the future will not only inflict pain on yourself but also on the relationship.
Peace: Be true
You can never put up a mask and live through that forever. At one point or other, that mask will give way. So better, not to put up that mask with moans and groans. Just be yourself. That way you will be able to keep yourself and the relationship lighter from the loads of any false impression. That not only helps in the bed but also in the bonding in general.
War: The burden of cheating
This is the first cousin to “false impression”. Acting out with someone “third”, making out with your partner and on top of that showing your partner that you’re enjoying his hugs and kisses is a bit too much. This time the load becomes heavier. Not only you have to manage your times, schedules, plans, places, events, phone, feelings, and more, you need to consciously and continuously keep a track of them. “Faking” is just a fraction among all the other and more serious troubles you invite. These together create an immense pressure on you, particularly the difficult to handle psychological ones. Relationship drives in doldrums and so does your life. In short, it’s not worth.
Peace: Deep deliberations
Before you go all in with an attractive “third”, give yourself some time and think deeply. Does he really care about you? Is there a natural connection? Is he sensitive and understanding? Are you really in love with him? Do you want to surrender to him? Do you know his right intentions? Do you see him as the ideal person you can spend your life with? Remember, “life” is a long period. By all probability, if you really love your partner, the answers to the questions regarding this “third” will be in negative. In case, they turn out to be in positive, you need to talk to your partner. If there is a need, consult a psychologist. Trust us in that case you need help. Because in no condition you can let yourself be a victim of complex and convoluted relation.
We will publish the second part in two days from now. In case you want to add your thoughts on effects of faking, feel free to leave them in the comment section.