First, the finding and fact. According to a new study published by the International Academy of Sex Research, only 65 percent of straight US women get an orgasm during their mushy intimacy. The percentage might have increased a bit if the global population would have taken part in the study. This means over the past few years, we men haven’t done a lot many things differently to change the long-standing fact. This also means, now that we know how we have been “performing” we have started reading and researching to learn what will bring about some upswing, in that number, through the bedroom.
It’s a known fact that we love our women. We take care of her. And we love to “give” her an orgasm. Okay, the last one isn’t though, in our control, we still try. Call it our ego, chauvinism, domination or whatever you want, but we love to see our women in a pleasure that is from us in the giving. We cannot turn our back to that but here’s what we can do to bring in a bit of change in the thinking and thereby in the result.
Change in thought
It’s not ours to “give”
Guys, let’s get this clear, we can never “give” her orgasm. It’s simply not in our hands(or tools). We can only guide her to the climax. It’s more like making her laugh at one of your jokes. The way her smile or laugh comes from within, similarly, her waves of pleasure come from within. We can only hold her through the sensuous journey that completes with her eyes rolled over and lids half closed.
If you have been spending most of the nights in the bedroom, try the living room tonight. And if you want to make it a little bigger, book a hotel room. You cannot disagree that in the past, your sesh in the hotels left her unsatisfied. The reason is whenever you change location or introduce something new in your act, you help her feel good. Why? Because novelty helps in the secretion of dopamine in her brain and that makes her feel good. And when she feels good, she surrenders to her pleasure calls easily. You can even try creating a romantic ambiance like lighting a few candles and playing soft music. To pepper up your bedroom romance you can even bring in a few adult toys.
Let it flow
Fantasy is good, but what is not is the effort to bring her to orgasm. Real life if not like pornography, so nothing like in-and-out orgasm should be expected from life. Moreover, there aren’t even enough proof to indicate prolonged sexual discourse will get her to the crescendo. So, stop pushing it. Remember only about one-fourth of all women have an orgasm due to lovemaking. The rest three fourth need clitoral stimulation. Use your palm, fingers, or vibrators – do whatever you wish to do, simply let it flow naturally.
Change in act
It’s hidden in love
Women need love, affection, care, and that cuddly romance that’s as light as wisps. You have to be a romantic sort of a lover than an under-the-sheet superman. You got to win her heart, her love spots will automatically get won over. Have you ever thought of getting her a rose? Try that once and notice how wonder unfolds.
Give her time
Men, you need to give her time. She will open herself up to you only if you give her enough sensual time. “Reduce your speed to half in comparison to all the wham bam you have seen in porn”, writes sex-researcher and journalist Michael Castleman in Psychology Today. Loaning words from sex therapists, he adds, “(women need) at least 30 minutes of kissing, cuddling, and whole-body sensual caressing before reaching between her legs.”
Love in the neck
Of the different erogenous zones, her body is packed with, the neck is one of the highly sensitive ones yet least explored. The skin is thin there and the blood vessels are very close to the surface; therefore, the slightest touch can trigger a response from her. When you’re in the midst of the action, a soft lip-brush from her jaw to the collarbone, followed by a few warm kisses on the neck will get her over the top. If you are not one of those mark-making savages, take care of it to see the miracle.
Tooshie touch matters
The buttocks generally attract attention when you are in view mode. Hear us, brothers, they have a lot more to offer. Gilda Carle, Ph.D., a sex therapist in New York City told Men’sHealth, “the buttocks are packed with nerve endings,” so when she is on top do not lose the chance to grab her cheek. A sudden firm grab, with your wide-spread fingers, of her bottoms, will send waves of pleasure through her body. You may take it up to spanking, but only by letting her know. A spank may sound very sexy but may have a completely repulsive effect if brought down all of a sudden.
Keep yourself up
Vaginal intercourse may get her to orgasm but just pushing and shoving won’t help. Unlike men, whose genital is filled with pleasure driving nerve ends, women have their pleasure center locate a bit up and we call that “clitoris”. You got to focus on touching this part while you are in the act. When you are on top, straddle her while you penetrate. This way you’ll be able to touch her C-Spot and guide her to the high point, with every push. In case she’s on top, rest yourself on your elbow and give her a risen base. This allows her to get her button pressed every time she rocks the ride.
Caressing the maidenhead
While we are on the point of the clitoris, let’s share this, she needs a lot of caressing down there. The clitoris is connected to approximately 10,000 nerve endings, making it the most sensitive organ in a woman’s body. Therefore, before you start pouring in all your love there, check out how she reacts to direct touches. Most of the women find it too much to handle. In that case, the best way to go about that will be to gently massage the area around the clitoris. This will tune her to more passionate caressing. If you do it right, she will show what level of pressure she expects and that too from which direction. Remember that and put that piece of information to good use when you get down to use your finger or lips or tongue. To read in details how to massage her clitoris, we have published an article here.
Wet makes it great
Never underestimate the power of lubricants. Better, keep that as mandatory. Women generally get wet down south when they get turned on. But that may not be your license to take wetness for granted. She may be suffering from post-menopause vaginal dryness or she may find it difficult to get wet even when she’s in her state of ecstasy. In such cases lubricant happens to be your answer for painless pleasure. Besides, lubes on both of your genitals make them erotically sensitive, a sheer bliss for a pre-orgasm ride. What you need to know about lubes, is it generally cold; therefore, applying too much and directly on her genital may be a bit jarring for her. So, you need to make it warm by rubbing it on your palm first, and then apply it on to her. Although for a free supply, you may rely on your saliva, for better results it’s recommended that you use commercial lubricants. Even if they turn dry, you can use a bit of water to make them wet again.
Get some toy Introducing her to the world of toys for women will open up a whole new set of feelings. Sex toys not only help her surely reach orgasm, they allow you to bring some variation in the act. From a wide range of toys for couples comprising different types of vibrators and stimulators, you can even select different types of penis rings to share some libidinous moments together. Some may send the buzz to both her G-spot and pipote while some other may spread the tremor from your scrotum up to the tip of your penis. Interestingly, there are a few cock rings that come with a small projection to gently pass on the quiver to her clitoris when you penetrate.
Passing (out) comment
The way we are wired over the past thousands of years, we’ll always think of “giving” her the pleasure, we think, they deserve. And due to the same thousands of years old wiring, women always think of showing how well they have “received”. By nature, together we complement each other. Hence, we shouldn’t try to turn these feelings into “responsibilities”. Neither we men should try hard to give her orgasm, nor the women should fake their receiving. That may turn things to be quite flaky that otherwise is meant to be an act of harmony.